To all the new or soon to be parents out there

To all the new or soon to be parents out there I just wanted to tell you a few things. These are the things that we usually don’t tell you, that don’t show up in books on raising children and in all honesty are the things that we who have children take pleasure in hearing about because it makes us realize that it’s now your turn.

1.       When changing a diaper (especially if you’re not used to it) go in with wipes in hand, not only to take care of that special orange, yellow, brown, or when play do is involved Fluorescent gift your child has for you but also it can be used as a shield or catching mitt for whatever may still fly in your general direction.

2.       Potty, owie, tinkle, bum, PeePee will become part of your vocabulary, Get used to it you are a parent now and therefore you are not cool. You may try to maintain your cool factor for awhile but trust me if you’re doing it right you are NOT COOL.

3.       Old Yogurt containers make great barf buckets. Not the little ones but the ones like these. And yes these are ½ full in this picture. Do not use margarine containers the back spray is horrible.

 4.       When going on long trips or even short trips actually, it doesn’t Matter how soon before you left that the kids went to the bathroom. Within 15 minutes they will have to pee again and when potty training they will have to go every 5 minutes or so. For those of you who think you’ll just stop and have them go on the side of the road remember that they don’t necessarily get it yet and will pee all over their clothes, pee directly in to the wind and fall over while squatting and if you are holding them be prepared to get hit as well. But remember you’re not cool anymore so you don’t really care.  Here is a tool we use to help us on long trips. Insert one bounce sheet a garbage bag and some paper towel to absorb and prevent splash back and you’ve got an instapotty.

5.       Always carry extra clothes with you. Not just for them but for yourself and your husband’s ladies because guaranteed we will forget and guaranteed your child will puke, pee, and yes even rub various food items animal by-products , toilet water, cat food, and various other items on your clothes and in your hair so be prepared.

6.       Many children are artistic, some so much so that they use whatever elements they can to decorate walls, cribs, furniture etc. Magic erasers and cleaning wipes are great for this. Every once in awhile these budding Picassos also use human elements to paint with. If you are as blessed as we were to have one of these lil prodigies you can take footless full body PJ’s with a zipper no buttons and put them on backwards. They can’t reach the back and it works wonders. If people look at you funny just say “Kris Kross Will make Ya,” and all will be forgiven.

7.       Wet wipes are you’re new best friend keep them in the bathroom, in the car, in your purse, even in your office. You will wonder how you made it through life without them. Just a warning though, If you find yourself wiping a Coworkers face with a wet wipe don’t worry it’s just a natural reaction, though they may deck you it’s ok remember YOU ARE NOT COOL ANYMORE.  

8.       Gentlemen this one is for you. Your wife has the hardest job in the world which is twofold, first she is raising a child and secondly she has a parent in training to worry about which is you. As much as we argue or try to make things more efficient at the end of the day she wins. That whole pushing the babies out of you know where trumps any parenting advice books or engineering skills we may try to enlist. Oh yeah and she is Cool, beautiful, intelligent etc.

9.       LOVE YOUR SPOUSE. Make time for each other, keep short accounts, serve one another and be there for one another. Our kids will learn more from watching us care for each other than by anything else we do. This is easy to say but with the fast pace of life today and with all the other distractions this is probably the hardest thing to be consistent about. I myself am still working on doing this myself. It’s easy to say the words and feel the feelings but implementation is key.

10.   Remember whose child this is. Its God’s gift to you so act accordingly. You may not be the most organized parent, be able to afford the best toys or the coolest new baby innovations. Your baby may not be the best looking or smartest baby. You may have a high needs child that screams all night or has medical issues that you don’t understand or can’t afford to handle. But you can love your child with all your heart and can be there for them no matter what. You’ll find yourself one day sitting there covered in puke with snot on your shoulder and this stinky little human clinging to you because they just feel rotten and you are the only one that can embrace them and with a simple kiss make them feel all better. And that is one of God’s greatest gifts to us. To let us know what it’s like to love someone so much that we’d even lay down our life for them if we had to.